Heard any good Poker jokes lately?

Go ahead and submit any Poker jokes you may have heard lately. Just check out the ones here and after you finished Rolling On the Floor Laughing Your Ass Off (ROFLYAO)  just scroll down and submit yours and if we Laugh Our Asses Off (LOAO) and they aren't already here we will put them up and give you credit for posting them.

Hey have you heard the one about.....

A man walked into a hotel and sees some men and a dog playing cards. This dog was playing with amazing ability.
"This is one smart dog". The amazed man remarks.
"He's not that smart," one of the players replies. "Each time he gets a fine hand he wags his tail."

A blonde woman…was on a girls’ weekend in Las Vegas. She stood in front of a candy machine, put in two quarters, turned the knob, and a candy bar fell out. She repeated the process, and again a candy bar fell out. Elated, she tried again as a man approached, saying, “Excuse me miss, what are you doing?”

She said, “Hello! I’m winning here!”

What is the…difference between prayer in a church and at the poker table?
At the poker table, you really mean it.

How do you…get a professional poker player off your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza.

What is the…difference between a professional poker player and God?
God doesn’t think He’s a professional poker player.

Name:
Anonymous

Your Joke:
I was playing poker with tarot cards the other night. I got a full house and four people died.

Name:
Johnny C

Your Joke:
A busty blond sat down at a table in a Las Vegas casino. “I hope you don’t mind,” she said, “but I play better when I’m naked.” She then proceeded to undress.
On the very first hand, after some heavy betting, she was head’s-up in a monster pot. After the dealer turned over the river card, she flipped her hand over,
jumped out of her seat and started screaming, “I won! I won! I won!”

The dealer, flustered, pushed her the pot.

“What’d she have?” the loser asked the dealer.

“I don’t know,” the dealer said. “I thought YOU were watching.”