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Heard any good Poker jokes lately?

Heard any good Poker jokes lately?

Go ahead and submit any Poker jokes you may have heard lately. Just check out the ones here and after you finished Rolling On the Floor Laughing Your Ass Off (ROFLYAO)  just scroll down and submit yours and if we Laugh Our Asses Off (LOAO) and they aren't already here we will put them up and give you credit for posting them.

Hey have you heard the one about.....

Hey have you heard the one about.....

an obvious tell

A man walked into a hotel and sees some men and a dog playing cards. This dog was playing with amazing ability.
"This is one smart dog". The amazed man remarks.
"He's not that smart," one of the players replies. "Each time he gets a fine hand he wags his tail."

A blonde woman…was on a girls’ weekend in Las Vegas. She stood in front of a candy machine, put in two quarters, turned the knob, and a candy bar fell out. She repeated the process, and again a candy bar fell out. Elated, she tried again as a man approached, saying, “Excuse me miss, what are you doing?”

She said, “Hello! I’m winning here!”

What is the…difference between prayer in a church and at the poker table?
At the poker table, you really mean it.

How do you…get a professional poker player off your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza.

What is the…difference between a professional poker player and God?
God doesn’t think He’s a professional poker player.

 Jokes Submitted by visitors:


Your Joke:
I was playing poker with tarot cards the other night. I got a full house and four people died.

Johnny C

Your Joke:
A busty blond sat down at a table in a Las Vegas casino. “I hope you don’t mind,” she said, “but I play better when I’m naked.” She then proceeded to undress.
On the very first hand, after some heavy betting, she was head’s-up in a monster pot. After the dealer turned over the river card, she flipped her hand over,
jumped out of her seat and started screaming, “I won! I won! I won!”

The dealer, flustered, pushed her the pot.

“What’d she have?” the loser asked the dealer.

“I don’t know,” the dealer said. “I thought YOU were watching.”

Jerry Cooley

Your Joke:
Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les' wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!
Shocked by this, Jim, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les' wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well, indeed he did.

She said, "Well, you can have it, but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirmed that he was interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2:00 pm Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les' house at 2:00 pm sharp, and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 -- they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Les came home from golf at 6:00 pm and upon arriving, asked his wife, "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" Sue, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Go ahead and send us your favorite joke, just use the form below.





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